


Downward Spiral

by Akira_Takeshi



Category: Bleach
Genre: Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Major Character Injury, Multi, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Past Character Death, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, originally posted in 2013
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 12:32:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15751734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akira_Takeshi/pseuds/Akira_Takeshi
Summary: After the brutal murder of his mother when he was nine, Ichigo Kurosaki's life takes a hard turn down the worst street possible. A chance run-in with Shirosaki Ogichi, and his friend Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, both foreign exchange students may just heal Ichigo's broken spirit. Do you want to join him on his journey to rid himself of everything wrong in his life?





	1. Before the Beginning (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally on my FFN account of the same name, posted back in 2013. There's a lot of swearing, drug use, mentions of self-harm, and alcohol abuse. If any of that bothers or triggers you, please refrain from reading and exit now. There is also a rape scene involving date rape drugs, and referenced drug overdose leading to death. If you are sensitive to any of these subjects I implore you to leave now.

_**It all started when my mother died. I was nine, we were walking home from the store when a man came up to us, he hadn't seen me, and he tried to grab her purse. My mother being the kind soul she was just smiled at the man as he pulled a gun on her. The sound of the gun going off still haunts me to this day, there was so much blood. I was screaming, tears cascading down my face as I held my mother close. It started to rain then, the water washing away the gruesome way she expired. When my father found us, I was curled up on her chest, soaked to the bone. I wound up with pneumonia then, I was in the hospital for weeks recovering, but I never truly recovered. When I got out of the hospital, I stayed in my room a lot, not even my little sisters whom I loved dearly could get me to come out, let alone eat.** _

_**Three months passed and I finally rejoined my family to eat. I could hardly eat anything, but what I did eat was very good for me, I returned to school, and everyone seemed to avoid me, I liked it that way. No one would ask me why I was gone for three months, or why I was so thin. Not that I had friends, to begin with really. After I turned ten that year, I smoked my first joint. I enjoyed the feeling it gave me, so I continued to smoke it for the following years. When I turned fourteen I went to my first bar and got drunk for the first time. I also tried ecstasy for the first time, the feeling was amazing, I could feel the music reverberating through my entire body. Couple that feeling with weed and alcohol, and needless to say I wound up getting sick all over myself. No one seemed to care, either that or they didn't notice.** _

_**It wasn't for a few more years before I had sex for the first time, but it wasn't consensual. I had said no, but the guy just pinned me down and had his way with me. I was walking funny for a week. No one seemed to notice, aside from two other 'troubled' teens I had managed to get to know during this time. They were named Shirosaki Ogichi and Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, and they were both exotic and sexy. Shirosaki was an albino, with the most amazing eyes. They were gold, with black sclera. Grimmjow had baby blue hair, which was natural, I'd seen him naked in the locker rooms, and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. Now to explain how I met these two. It didn't really surprise me, how we met. I ran into Shirosaki, literally ran into him in the hallway of the High School we both attended, I had my long sleeve shirt on, to hide all the scars that riddled my body. When I went to get up, his pale hand was outstretched, he was offering to help me up. Before I forget, let me introduce myself, my name is Ichigo Kurosaki, and up until five months ago, I was a drug user, a cutter, and an alcoholic. That day at lunch Shirosaki was waiting outside the classroom for me, and he introduced me to Grimmjow, we all became fast friends, but it didn't start getting better right off the bat.** _

_**Grimmjow was a foreign exchange student from Germany, Shirosaki was from France. Junior year in high school is when they transferred in, and it took until the beginning Senior year for me to actually get to know them. One day we were sitting together on the roof of the school when Grimmjow noticed the bandages on one of my wrists. He got pissed, going as far as to pin me down and growl at me. I found it sexy, of course, I would, but then again Grimmjow was a Greek god. His six foot one height to my five foot ten wasn't a big difference, but when you're as skinny as I still was he easily overpowered me. When Shiro came to the roof he freaked out seeing me pinned down. Grimmjow showed him my arm, and they both got angry with me. I explained that it was my way of coping with my mother being murdered in front of me when I was younger, and they understood. I told them I would try to stop, and they said I didn't need to try, I needed to do. I told them I couldn't promise anything, that I had been cutting for so long it was something that I felt I needed to do to feel like I was alive. They understood, or so they said.** _

_**A few weeks after they found out about me cutting, I told them about my drug addiction and my alcohol problem. They decided that after High School, we were all going to move in together and they would both help me through withdrawal from the drugs, and help me get a job, and start living again. We'll see how that goes because in a few weeks we graduate, now I just have to tell my father, he'll probably take it well, since they want to help his only son, oh have I mentioned that Shirosaki looks like me, only inverted? It was freaky at first, I thought I was tripping on something that had been put in my weed, but it turned out that everyone in the world has someone that looks like them.** _

**_This is my story, and this is just the beginning. I hope you stick around to hear how everything goes for me, Grimmjow and Shirosaki as we take off on the road to recovery for me. Wish me and them luck._ **

* * *

**This is a rather dark story that I wrote a few years back I apologize for any bad grammar or sentence structure you may find.**


	2. The Beginning

_**My name is Ichigo Kurosaki, let me tell you my story from the beginning. Grab some tissues, you're probably going to need them.** _

_It all started on October 17th, 2005 I was out with my mother. We went to the store to get some bread and butter for dinner. It was getting dark fast because of the time of year. Plus the clouds coming in didn't help either. I remember looking up at my mother, my small hand in hers. She smiled at me, I loved being with her, my mother was my favorite person in the entire world. As we left the store, neither of us noticed that there was a man following us. We were halfway home when he jumped. He pulled my mother's purse from her hand, my mother just smiled at him. "If you need my money, you can take it." she had said, while her beautiful smile was on her face. Then the man pulled his gun out and pointed it at her, my mother had pushed me behind her, and the man was on something, or he was drunk because he hadn't noticed me until it was too late. He had pulled the trigger and shot my mother four times in the chest. Her blood was flowing quickly down her dress, and onto the concrete. I was screaming then, I tried to catch my mother, who was still smiling as the man ran off with her entire purse. "Ichi, stay strong baby. Momma is going to be fine, your daddy will be here soon, he can help," she said softly, her voice already fading as her skin started to cool from the loss of blood. "M-mommy! Mommy!" I cried, I clutched the front of her dress and sobbed, some of her blood got on me as I clung to her. My mother was dead within minutes. Her last words to me were "Ichi, protect your sisters...I love you." then her eyes closed, and her breathing stopped._

_The rain started then, I can't say for certain how long it rained before my father got there, but he had to pry me off of my mother's corpse. He fell to his knees when he saw the woman he loved laying on the sidewalk. The rain had managed to wash away the blood, but my father knew. He gathered me in his arms, I woke up coughing an sniffling. "S-sorry daddy...I couldn't protect mommy." I said sadly. "It's okay son, you did your best. I know you did son. Let's get you and your mother to the hospital." he said, his voice cracked, I knew he knew my mother was dead. He picked up his cell phone and called the police. He wrapped me in his jacket around my shoulders because I was shivering. The ambulance arrived, and my father rode with me, they covered my mother with a white sheet. I fell asleep when I woke up mom had already been buried because that was the tradition in her family. No one blamed me but me. I blamed myself because if it wasn't for me eating bread and butter we wouldn't have had to go to the store for it that night, and my mother would still be with us. I was hospitalized for a long time, my father was a doctor, so he was always with me in my room. Taking my temperature, and my vitals, giving me my medicine and trying to make me eat. I refused for the longest time, eventually, I started drinking the broth, and eating the jello, but not much else. I was too sad._

_I was released to go home, and I spent most of my time alone in my room. I wouldn't eat, not even sweet little Yuzu could get me to eat. When I finally rejoined my family it had been three months since my release from the hospital. I ate little bits here and there, but not too much. I was so thin you could see just about every bone in my body. I returned to school the following Monday, either no one noticed or no one cared about my health. No one asked me if I was okay, in fact, it seemed like everyone avoided me even more. I didn't think anything of it really. My birthday was coming quick, and I started to hang out with the troubled kids in the school. Nnoitra Jiruga and Shinji Hirako were their names, I didn't do much with them, but for my birthday they got me some weed, I smoked a bunch of it, after choking for a while at first of course. It made me hungry, Yuzu was happy that I was finally eating again, but I didn't gain weight quickly, but I got some weight built back on me. I stopped hanging with Nnoitra and Shinji after a few months and went back to being on my own._

_I started getting into a lot of fights and going home covered in bruises and blood. Most of which was not my own. My father grew concerned and tried to help, which only ended in me lashing out at him. When I think back to it, he was really only trying to help me, and I couldn't see that. As I got older, I got into more drugs. I smoked weed, I did crack once, I didn't like the way it made me feel, and I tried cocaine, after being in the hospital for that one I didn't do it again either. Heroin gave me a nice high, but I lost what little muscles I had while doing it, a young man named Hanatarou helped me break that habit, he died from overdosing himself though, which is how he helped me. As you can see I was spiraling downward quickly, and the drugs only seemed to speed me there. By the time I was thirteen I had tried just about every kind of drug there was, there were only a few I hadn't done yet. My father could only sit on the sidelines and watched me destroy myself one bit at a time. It killed him each time I did anything more than weed._

_My name is Ichigo Kurosaki, and welcome to my downward spiral._

* * *

**Here's chapter two, hope you enjoyed it.**


	3. The Bar & E

_**Hello, it's Ichigo again. Here is some more of my downward spiral.** _

_The date is now March 20th, 2011, I was fourteen years old now. It was just past St. Patrick's Day, in my drug-addled mind I stumbled into a nearby bar. The air was heavy with tobacco smoke, and the smell of sweat coming from the bodies meshed together on the dance floor nearly made me gag. It was hot, luckily for me, or not-so-luckily for me, depends on how you look at it, I was tall for my age, and I knew a guy who could make damn good fake IDs. He made one for me, and I was in. I went to the bar and ordered a drink. The drink I ordered a Singapore Sling, the flavor was amazing, it tasted like an orange creamsicle. Throughout the night I drank a few of those, as well as a Tequila Sunrise, then someone offered me something called 'E' which I readily accepted.  
_

_I was tripping, I could feel the music reverberating through my body, the E made me move my body and do things I normally wouldn't have done under any circumstance. I was grinding on women and men alike. Drinking and dancing. All around I looked like I was having a ball, but inside I was dying. After a while, I'm not sure how long it was anymore, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, it was in this bathroom that I met a man who was suave, and debonaire. He had this soft looking brown hair, and these eyes that when I first saw them I thought they were beautiful, but when I think back to it, they were dark, and filled with violent intent._

_The man pinned me to the wall in the bathroom, and he tried to take advantage of me in my inebriated and high state, but I managed to escape. I'm not sure how I escaped, or if I had help or not when doing so, but I stumbled home. I made it inside, where my father was waiting. He scolded me and tried to reason with me, but I wouldn't have it. I yelled, and I screamed, I threw things at him and I even lashed out physically and hurt him. He had a black eye when I woke up the next morning, and I had no idea how he got it, he was tight-lipped about it, it wasn't for another few months before I remembered I was the one that gave it to him._

_I few months into my sophomore year in High School I met Hanatarou Yamada, the son of the illustrious Yamada house, they had thrust things upon him at a young age and he was hurting. Mentally and emotionally the boy was aching. He and I met by chance on the roof of the school, he was doing heroin on the roof. He and I bonded over our similarities when it came to drug use, and after a few months, we could even be called friends. My father noticed me losing my muscles and commented on it, of course, I over-reacted and lashed out yet again. Only this time he managed to not get hurt by me. Six months after Hanatarou and I became friends, he died. He had intentionally overdosed on heroin, they said there was so much inside his body that he didn't feel any pain before he expired, but I know inside my heart that he was screaming. That was the last day I ever even thought of heroin. I went back to just smoking weed and drinking._

_During one of my many drinking binges, I actually managed to scare my little sister Yuzu to the point where she avoided me, it was going to take years to recover our relationship, but I promised her I would try. If it weren't for my family I probably wouldn't even be here today. Of course, there are other reasons for me still being alive, and I assure you, the details are worth it. I drank so much, that I was hospitalized once, I got sick all over myself in a bar once. There was puke everywhere. It was only after I passed out on the dance floor that they called 9-1-1 and had me taken to the hospital where I awoke, to an upset, and worried father, and my younger sister Karin who hit me so hard I'm pretty sure I still feel it today._

_A week after Hanatarou died, he was buried. There were very few people at his funeral. Not even his parents showed up. He had an older cousin who flew in from England, some Ulquiorra Schiffer. He was actually quite hot for a tattooed, albino with bright acid green eyes. If he hadn't had to leave I would have slept with him probably, or at least tried to. Yes, I know I'm such a slut. Now you know I'm gay, but I'm pretty sure you knew that from the beginning. My name is Ichigo Kurosaki, and I am a drug addict and an alcoholic who also self-mutilates because of a traumatizing event that happened when I was nine. No one has been able to help me yet, and I'm not sure I want to be helped, honestly, I hope my spiral takes my life soon, so I can be with my mother._

_There was a long time between the time I lost Hanatarou, and the time I met Shirosaki and Grimmjow, but when we met, things began to happen. I'll explain more in our next meeting, trust me, there is a lot to tell. I'm sure you'll be here, after all, you want to see if I make it out of this alive. I know you do. See you soon. I promise to explain more next time. Trust me, you don't want to miss this._

* * *

**In case you're wondering, this was finished years ago.**


	4. The Meeting

_**Hey guys, Ichigo here. Are you ready to find out how I met Shirosaki and Grimmjow? Because this is where I reveal that, and how I lost my virginity.** _

_August 14th, 2013 was the day we met for the first time. Well, met officially. I had seen them around school since Junior year when they had transferred into the school. I had seen Grimmjow in the locker room before after P.E had ended. We were showering, well he was. I was waiting for him to leave, so he couldn't see my scars. I'm rambling. Let me continue._

_I was running late, which wasn't unusual, but I had been on time for a majority of the year for once. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and I slammed into a solid body. I fell onto my ass and dropped everything I was carrying onto the floor. All it was, was my backpack, but my notebooks and sketchbook both flew onto the floor. As I was going to get up I heard the silky smooth voice of Shirosaki Ogichi, if I could have died then, I would have died happy. "Ey, ya okaeh there? I din' see ya." Shirosaki was smiling, and kneeling down, he had picked up both my books and was handing them to me, I shoved them into my backpack, and was going to get up when I saw his hand. I blushed as I took his hand and he helped me up. "'m Shirosaki Ogichi, wuts yer name cutie?" he grinned at me, I was mesmerized by his eyes. They were the most exotic thing I had ever seen in my sixteen years of life. An unmanly squeak came out of my mouth then, causing him to chuckle. "I'm Ichigo, Ichigo Kurosaki," I said in response. He smiled even wider then. "I like et! Say, would ya like ta 'ang wit' me an' mah friend at lunch tadaeh?" Shiro asked me as he walked me to the classroom I would be in most of the day. "ll be ou' 'ere waitin' fer ya when lunch 'its." Shiro says. I found myself agreeing to meet with him, then I walked into my classroom._

_The day crawled by until lunch hour rolled around, and Shirosaki was outside the classroom as he promised, and leaning against the wall behind him was the walking sex god known around school, aside from me. I hadn't met him officially, just oogled him in the locker room. "Ichi, dis es mah bes' friend Grimmjow. Grimmjow dis es tha cutieh I ran enta this mornin'." Shiro said. Grimmjow looked at me, then a grin went across his face. "Well hello there, Ichigo. I'm Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. I've seen ya around the school. It's nice to meet ya face to face finally." he said as he walked over to me. He shook my hand, and I blushed. "I'm Ichigo Kurosaki, as I'm sure Shirosaki here has already mentioned. He said I'm joining you for lunch today." I said, the blush not leaving my face for about five minutes after Grimmjow released my hand. The two lead me to the roof, where I hadn't set foot since Hanatarou died. Each of them had huge lunches, and I had nothing. Since I had frightened Yuzu, she had stopped making my food for me, and I was a terrible cook. Thankfully I was a stoner, so I never cared how the food tasted. Grimmjow and Shirosaki shared their food with me, it was amazing. I can't remember the names of the dishes for the life of me though, must be all the smoking and drinking I've been doing._

_"Why ya 'ide yer skin Ichi?" Shiro asked me. "I'm not fond of the sun." I lied through my teeth. Grimmjow chuckles, he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. He offered Shiro and I one as well, we both took one. When I took my first drag I choked, causing both of them to chuckle. "I've never had a cigarette before." I finally admitted. "Well ya smoke it like this." Grimmjow explained, as he showed me how to properly smoke a cigarette. After a few drags I stopped choking, the cigarettes gave me a nice feeling, but it didn't last as long as weed did. After lunch ended I shared a class with them, so we walked together. I smiled for the first time in years when with them. "Ya shoul' smile more Ichi, yer smile es beautiful." Shiro said to me. I blushed again. I swear, if they kept saying embarrassing things to me I was going to burst from the embarrassment. They wouldn't let me sit in my usual spot, and put me between them in the classroom. After that the day flew by. "So where ya live Ichi?" Grimmjow asked me after school let out. "Here and there..." I said. "I don't stay at home, because my father doesn't approve of some of the things I do." I said. "Ya can staeh wit' meh fer awhile ef ya wan' Ichi." Shiro said. "Where do you live Shiro?" Grimmjow chuckled then. "We both live in my family home here in town. 61551 Sakura Blossom road. The gate code is 2836. Come around anytime ya want Ichi." I nodded. When I went home that night I packed a small bag, and left my father a note telling him I was leaving so he wouldn't have to worry about me anymore._

_It started raining when I left, I pulled my thin jacket closer, but it didn't stop the rain from reaching my bones. When I got to Grimmjow and Shiro's place, my jaw dropped, it wasn't a house. It was a fucking mansion. I stopped under the gazebo in the park to smoke a bit of weed, it helped me warm up, and I snacked on some chips I bought from a store. I finished as I arrived. I put the code into the gate and walked to the door. The rain started coming down in buckets as I walked up the long driveway. By the time I reached the door and rang the doorbell I was completely soaking wet, the water was cascading down my thin frame, and I was shivering. Grimmjow opened the door and his beautiful eyes widened, he picked me up and carried me into his house. Where he stripped me down and put me into a tub of water that slowly got warmer. Thankfully he had added some soap to make me feel secure. "T-thank you G-Grimmjow," I said when my teeth were still chattering. I didn't say anything for a while, but I loved the feeling of being in Grimmjow's arms. When we went to lay down that night, instead of putting me in a guest room, Grimmjow took me to his room. Apparently, he and Shiro slept in the same room when it rained, we all had a bad background with the rain, which in itself is a beautiful thing, but our pasts made us not like it._

_The next morning, when I woke up I smelt heaven. Bacon, eggs, cheese, sausage and something I couldn't yet identify. I followed my nose and it led me to a huge open kitchen. "Hey Ichi!" Grimmjow grins from the stove as I walk in. "I made some German Pancakes to go with the omelets, bacon, and sausage," he said. There were plates of food. I sat down and waited. "So the smell I couldn't name is a German Pancake? Are they good?" I asked. "I love them, of course, I'm from Germany, so I would, and Shiro made the omelets like they make them where he's from. We hope ya like breakfast." Grimmjow said. I nodded. "I haven't had a decent breakfast in years," I admitted. "Why no'?" Shiro asked as he finally spoke up. "Well...a few years ago I got drunk, and I went home. I punched my father in the face and my little sister Yuzu saw it, she's been scared of me since. I-I have a few problems..." I said quietly. "Well, ya can tell us when yer ready Ichi, we're not going to for anything out of ya," Grimmjow said._

**_This is only the beginning of my life with Grimmjow and Shiro, and as everyone knows all good things must come to an end. I'm not going to delve into that right now, but you'll see soon what I mean, don't worry. It's not as bad as it could be._ **

* * *

**Yet another chapter of this, it's almost done now.**


	5. The Truth

_Friday, November 15th, 2013. Living with Grimmjow and Shiro was hard to get used to, even after a couple months with them I still wasn't used to having hot breakfast food, and two very drool-worthy sex gods half naked cooking it each morning. We decided we were going to sit on the roof for lunch. Grimmjow and I were waiting on Shiro, who had gone to a nearby place to get us some grub, I noticed Grimmjow staring at me. "Is there something on my face?" I asked, Grimmjow just shook his head and grinned at me. "Nah, yer hair looks like a halo on fire with the sun right behind ya is all, makes ya look really sexy," he said. I blushed hotly at his words. "You shouldn't lie Grimmjow, that's not a good trait to have," I said, I was such a hypocrite, I lied to them on a daily basis. When I was high, I just said my eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. If I smelt weird, I just brushed it off and said I needed to bathe. I really should be honest with them, but I'm scared. What if I tell them and they leave me, just like everyone else has._

_Ever since I started high school I lost at least one friend every few months. The first was my best friend Renji Abarai. He was this tattoo covered, dark red haired soccer freak, who I had grown up with. When he caught me smoking weed one day he flipped out, beat the shit out of me, and told me I should crawl in a ditch and die. He told everyone else about my pot smoking...one by one they abandoned me. Renji was just the first, then Uryu followed by Keigo the ever annoying Keigo who didn't have the ability to hate anyone, then Orihime stopped talking to me, and she pretended I didn't exist. She's happy with Uryu now, they're getting married after high school. Rukia didn't really leave, but we don't talk anymore on account of her relationship with Renji. Chad had moved back to Mexico, and he and I never really talked, he was the silent giant, and I was just as quiet. He did tell me once though that drugs were bad, and I should take care of myself. As you remember, Hanatarou died due to his heroin overdose, so he too left me. Now I have Grimmjow and Shiro, I'm glad they are my friends, which is why I'm worried about saying anything to them about my cutting, drug use and drinking problems. I don't want to lose the only good thing that has happened to me in years._

_Shiro was cackling as he brought our lunch. They were called "Garbage Burritos" and they tasted fanfuckingtastic. It was an orgasm in my mouth. No joke. Best tasting thing I had ever eaten, well other than Grimmjow's cooking of course. Since it was Friday, and my designated drinking day I told them I would be home late. They said they would see me later, only with what happened to me that night, later almost didn't come for me. You remember that suave brown-haired man I had an altercation in the bathroom with a few years back? Well he spiked my drink with a date rape drug, took me into an alley and forced me onto my hands and knees. He tore my clothes off, but thanks to all the time I had spent with Uryu before our falling out, I had learned how to sew perfectly. I tried to struggle, I really did, but he was so much stronger than me in my drunken, high, roofied state. All I managed to do was piss him off. He unzipped his pants and harshly thrust into my until then, virginal body. I was hoping to have my virginity taken by Grimmjow, Shiro or even both, but that can't happen now. I know tears cascaded down my face, and blood dripped out of my rectum as he slammed into me with abandon. It burnt, and the only lubrication was my blood. He continued to pound into my body until he released himself inside me, the seed burning the torn skin. He wiped himself off, tucked himself back into his pants and left me there in the alley to die. I blacked out from the sheer amount of pain in my backside, and I was under for at least a couple hours. When I woke up, I pulled the needle and thread from my pants pocket, I carried one with me always because I tear my clothes and stuff a lot, and I winced as I sat up fully and worked on the clothing. I sewed it back together to where it wasn't that noticeable that it had been ripped in the first place. Once i had my clothes back on, I went to the park, and into the river to wash the semen, blood and puke off myself. Then I went to my favorite tree, and cried myself to sleep underneath it._

_I went back to Grimmjow and Shiro's place the next morning, early. Before they woke up. I took a hot shower, and scrubbed my skin raw. I cried while in the shower, then I curled up in the bed that had been given to me, and went back into a fitful sleep. I got up at my usual time, which was just after nine in the morning, and limped my way downstairs. Grimmjow frowned when he saw me struggling to walk. "Ichi, what happened ta ya last night? Shiro and I waited fer ya but ya never came home." he says. "Grimm..." I said as I bit my lip, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. Grimmjow stopped whipping the eggs and walked over to me. "Ichi, what's wrong? Ya can tell me." He pulled me against his strong chest and I just started bawling. I told him how I was raped, and he got angry. "I-I'm sorry Grimm, he drugged my drink...I couldn't fight him off." I said as I pulled back from the hug. Grimmjow took his thumb and wiped the tears from my face, he leaned down and kissed my forehead after also. "I'm sorry that happened ta ya Ichi." he said, as he threaded his fingers through my hair, a somewhat intimate, yet comforting gesture. "It's okay Grimm, I'm not too badly hurt." I said softly, while not looking him in the eye. Shiro walked into the kitchen. "Wut es wron'?" he asked us. "Ichi was raped last night Shi, tha's why he wasn't able ta make it home on time." Grimmjow said. Shiro frowned. "Who raped ya Ichi? 'll gut 'im!" he growled out. "I-I don't know his name, I just know he tried to force me back when I was fourteen too..." I said honestly. "I don't want either of you to go to jail for me..." I finished. Shiro smiled softly at me, and walked over. He hugged me gently, and kissed my cheek, causing me to blush. "'ll do anehthin' fer ya Ichi, an' ef I wound up en jail, Grimm'd jus' bail mah pasty white ass ou'." he cackled. I sat at the table in one of the really comfortable chairs as they moved about the kitchen, making breakfast._

_We had fun all day, playing games, and swimming. Then as night fell we went into our respective bedrooms. I dug under my mattress, and pulled out my razor. I went into my bathroom, and sat in the tub. I slashed the razor across my skin, and let the blood drip down. I bled for a few minutes, but once I started feeling dizzy I washed my arms off, and bandaged the cuts I inflicted on myself. I changed into one of the sets of pajamas Grimmjow and Shiro had bought me, and I laid in bed, falling into a deep, albeit troubled sleep. I woke up in a cold sweat the next morning. I climbed out of bed, stripped out of my sweat-soaked pajamas and took a nice long bath. I got out, dried off and got dressed for the day. After breakfast we just lazed about, and then we called it an early night as finals were this week and went to bed. I guess it had started raining that night, because come morning, I found myself in the middle of Grimmjow and Shiro in Grimmjow's room. We woke up, got ready for school, ate and walked together as we had been for the last couple months. That day, at lunch Grimmjow and I were once more alone on the roof, and since i had just cut my wrists two days prior, the wounds were still fresh, and if I moved them in any certain direction they would split open and bleed again. Shiro went to the Mexican place down the road and got us lunch, but while we were waiting, Grimmjow saw the bandage on one of my arms. A frown crossed his handsome face. "Ichi, is there a reason ya have bandages on yer wrist?" he asked me. "Um...no?" I lied, terribly I might add. He could tell too. He got up, crossed the small area that we were apart, and pinned me down on the roof. I squeaked, as he pushed my long sleeve up, and then unwrapped the wrist he exposed. "Ichigo...why are ya cutting yerself?" he asked me with sadness in his voice. "W-well..." I started. "Wut tha fuck es goin' on 'ere?! Grimm why are ya on top o' Ichigo!?" Shiro growled out as he came back with our food. "He was just about to explain why he's been cutting his wrists to me." Grimmjow said. "es been doin' wut?!" Shiro looks at me with disappointment on his face. "I'll explain, just...sit down." I said. Grimmjow let me up, and I looked at my hands. I sighed._

_"It's a really long story. When I was younger my mother was murdered with me there, I'm sure I've told you this, at least I would hope I had. The night she was murdered it started raining, I got sick and was hospitalized. Ever since then I've been doing various things to cope with the loss, and subsequent trauma associated with the fact that I was there when she was shot to death...her last words were said to me as she drew her last breath." I sighed heavily. "I started doing drugs when I was nine, and I started drinking heavily when I was fourteen. The drug I started with was weed, but I've also done Ecstasy, Heroin and a couple other drugs. Now I just smoke weed an drink excessively on the weekends mostly. Well, the weed I smoke all the time, it makes me forget for a little while. As I got older I started cutting, it felt good, and gave me a rush to show I was still among the living. I know it's not a good excuse for it, but it's the honest truth. I still cut now, when I'm stressed, or worried about something. Or on the night of the anniversary of her death." I continue. "I know cutting is a bad habit, and I'm slowly learning to not do it, I'm really trying hard..." I said. "Ya don' gotta try Ichigo." Shiro said. "Yeah, no trying. Ya gotta do it. Stop cutting yerself, and abusing yer body with alcohol and drugs. Shiro and I are here ta help ya, we'll be with ya every step of the way if yer willing to let us." Grimmjow said. As their words reached my ears I smiled softly at them. "Ya gotta smile more ta." Shiro says. "I second that." Grimmjow chuckled._

_By Christmas, I wasn't cutting anymore, and I had limited my alcohol intake by more than half. The weed was a whole different story though, I wasn't able to stop that until the New Year, as my resolution I said I was going to quit smoking weed and work on stopping drinking as well. Grimmjow and Shiro cheered, and both of them kissed me very intimately that night. It was the first of many good nights to come, and I'll continue telling you once I decide you want to know. Thank you for listening to my story so far, I hope you're with Grimm and Shi, and that you want me to recover, they told me they have a present for me for when I'm completely clean once more. I can't wait. Maybe once this whole nightmare ends, and I'm clean and sober, I can fix the broken relationship I have with my father and little sisters._

* * *

**On the final stretch now.**


	6. Withdraw is a Bitch

January 4th, 2014. Yes, you read that correctly, we're into the new year now, and I'm still alive and kicking. I've gone the past four days without anything to drink or smoke drug wise. Grimmjow helps me out on occasion, he gives me a cigarette to smoke, which takes the edge off. It's not as bad as one would think. The withdrawal from the alcohol is a doozy though. I'm constantly shaking, I keep having dizzy spells, and I puke a lot. I've also lost a bit of my appetite, but we're working on it slowly. Grimmjow's cooking is even better than I originally said, without my tastebuds being high like the rest of me, or drunk I wasn't able to properly taste most of the cooking. It's fantastic, the eggs are fluffy and perfect, the cheese is always fresh, the vegetables we grow in our own house.

I smile as I feel arms wrap around my midsection. "Good morning Ichi, I see yer up early." I hear Grimmjow's sexy voice in my ear, his breath on my neck making the hair tickle me causes me to shudder involuntarily. "I had trouble sleeping, but I didn't want to be a bother to you or Shiro," I said honestly while looking down at my hands. The scars on my wrists were healed, but the deeper emotional pain was still fresh. Slowly, day by day Shiro and Grimmjow were healing me. As Grimmjow held me, my body started shaking like I was cold. He plants a light kiss on my neck and walks to the fridge, he pulls out a glass and makes me a drink to help me with the with my alcohol withdrawal. It doesn't taste all that great, but it's helping me get through each day without needing any alcohol. "Where's Shi at Grimm?" I ask as I drink the beverage. "He went ta go get something done fer us," Grimmjow says. "Oh, okay. I hope it's nothing bad." I say softly. Grimmjow laughs loudly, have I ever mentioned how much I love his laugh? It's one of the single sexiest sounds I've ever heard in my entire life. "It's nothing bad, of that I can assure ya Ichi," Grimmjow says, he places a plate in front of me, pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream on them. "Mmm!" I giggle, digging in. I was slowly but surely becoming who I was really meant to be, rather than the introverted, self-mutilating, alcoholic drug addict I was when they found me.

Shiro, as it turned out, had paid a visit to my old man, of course at the time with Grimmjow I didn't know that. It was part of the surprise that you'll be reading about in a while.

With my father, sisters, and Shiro. "So yer Ichi's father yeah?" Shiro asked with a hand on his hip. Isshin looked up. "Yes, who is asking? What are you here for?" he frowned, once he spotted Shiro. "'m no' 'ere ta collect anehthin' er nothin'. 'm jus' comin' ta le' ya know Ichigo stopped cuttin', drinkin' an doin' drugs. 'es been clean an' sober fer a few daehs now, an' Grimm an' I are makin' sure 'e doesn' break down an' start any of et up again. We're keepin' yer son 'appeh, an' alive." Shiro says. "Within tha next couple weeks, mehbeh two months time, Ichigo will be completely clean an' sober. Grimm an' I wan' ya an' Ichi's sistas ta go ta 'is surprise parteh, tha' we gonna throw ta celebrate wit' 'im. We know et'd mean a lo' ta Ichi ef ya were dere, 'e wants ta make good wit' ya an' 'is sistas. 'e misses ya all a lo'." he finishes. "Yes, well I'll discuss it-" Isshin starts saying. "We'd love to go to Ichi-nii's all better party," Yuzu spoke up. Shiro smiles. "Thank ya lil' ladeh. 'll give ya more specifics once et gets closer ta tha date." Isshin nods. "Alright, thank you for taking care of my son," he says. "'m Shirosaki, ya can call meh Shiro, an' tha otha gueh 'elpin' Ichi es Grimmjow. We look forward ta ya bein' a' tha parteh." Shiro said. He grinned, then turned and left the clinic.

When Shiro got back to the mansion, Grimmjow and I were running around the den, spraying one another with whipped cream from the cans and laughing, or giggling in my case. He grinned, spotting his own can, grabbed it and joined in. Within a span of fifteen minutes, we were all covered head to toe in whipped cream, we collapsed in a sticky pile on the floor. All of us were laughing with happiness. "Okay, I'm going to go take a shower now," I said with a laugh as I got up, I slipped and fell back onto my ass, causing them to both burst out laughing once more. "Hey, that's not funny!" I said with an angry blush on my cheeks. "Bu' et wus Ichi!" Shiro says with a cackle. I stood up slower this time and made my way out of the room, I went to my bedroom and peeled myself out of my whipped cream covered clothes. Grimmjow and Shiro got up and showered in their own rooms as well. We met back in the living room and watched a movie together. I swear, they pick scary movies just so I wind up on one of their laps.

Do you think I'm doing good so far? Spending time with two amazing guys who prove to me on a daily basis that I'm alive, and they plan to keep me that way for a long time to come? What do you think about the fact that they managed to get me to stop cutting, and then drinking and smoking weed? I'm happy with them, and I don't know what the future may bring, but I don't see anything bad happening any time soon.

February 14th, 2014. I was sober and had no more thc in my system, and I couldn't be happier. I spent every day with Shiro and Grimmjow who are both the most amazing guys I'd ever had the honor of getting to know. It was Valentine's Day, and I was fidgeting, not from drugs, or alcohol, but from the fact that Grimmjow and Shiro left class earlier to go do something and had yet to return. I spent the rest of the class worried about them, but I found out later that I had no reason to be worried at all, they were just setting something up for me, for when we got home from school. We met on the roof for lunch, I was smiling as I made my way to our spot, not noticing that all my old friends spotted me, and they smiled. They could tell I had somehow turned the hell that had become my life around. Things were looking up. We had Italian for lunch today because it was a day of romance, and Italian food and the language is very romantic. They both gave me roses, and chocolates, causing me to blush, and at different times I was caught kissing one or the other by various students and faculty, everyone already knew we were in a relationship together, so no one judged us, I was very happy about that.

The end of school couldn't come fast enough for me, Grimmjow and Shiro had both hinted at there being a surprise for me at home when we got there. I tried to rush home, but they kept distracting me with kisses, and sometimes loving touches. Shiro really loved to grab my ass, I mean seriously grab it, he'd pin me to the nearest wall, and start to devour my lips, then both of his hands would just grab handfuls of my ass and squeeze, massage or rub it. We stopped and got some chocolate, and I got some new we arrived at the mansion, there were a few cars I didn't recognize in the driveway. "Do we have guests?" I asked, looking at both of the men I'd fallen hard for. "Just for a little while, if ya get too uncomfortable we'll have them leave Ichi," Grimmjow said. I smiled. "Thank you, Grimm!" I stopped him, got on my tip toes and kissed him gently when I pulled back I was as red as a strawberry. Shiro smiled. "Ya know, ya two are realleh cute tagetha," he said. "I know Shiro, and ya and Ichi are hot together too," Grimmjow grinned. I blushed between the two of them, and we made it to the door. When it was opened I saw nothing out of the ordinary, but I smelt lasagna my favorite food. I licked my lips. "Mmm, something smells really good," I said, causing Grimmjow to chuckle. "Yeah, me ta." Shiro agreed.

We made it to the living room, and I stopped. I spotted my father. "D-dad..." I said quietly. Isshin smiled at me and walked over. "Hello son, I'm so happy you're well now. Your sisters and I have missed you something awful." he said, he slowly so as to not startle me, pulled me into a tight hug, I hadn't even known I could still cry, until I clung to my father and sobbed into his chest, begging for his forgiveness on how selfish, and horrible I had been for years after my mother died, and all he did was soothe me, hold me like one would hold their child, and tell me he forgave me. Yuzu walked over and hugged me as well, so did Karin eventually. Once I pulled back and wiped my tears off my face I finally took notice of the others in the room with us. Every one of my friends who I had thought abandoned me was there. Even Byakuya, Rukia's older brother, who I always thought had a stick permanently shoved up his ass.

One by one everyone came over to me, handed me a gift, hugged me, some kissed my cheek, and they all congratulated me on being clean and sober, and they hoped I would stay that way so we could all hang out again. By the time I was done talking to everyone, and got them gifts from them all I was crying again, from sheer happiness. I ran over to Grimmjow and pulled him down into a deep kiss, he moaned into it and held me close. I pulled back, licked my lips and then sought out Shiro, I gave him the same treatment I gave Grimmjow. I left them both with goofy grins on their faces, tents in their pants and happiness in their chests, knowing I loved them both as much as they loved me, and I couldn't wait until the party was over.

* * *

**Well, we're no longer reliving the past at least.**


	7. Time Heals All Wounds

January 5th, 2014 Midnight

The party had dwindled down to just my two boys and myself by this point. I turned an sent the two men who had kept me sane and happy a sultry grin. I lowered my eyelids and attempted to give them a sexy look, I probably failed miserably, if Shiro's cackle was anything to go by.

I went over to the front door and locked it, clicking the deadbolt into place, then adding the chain before I turned to sent the two men in the house with me a smirk, and a wink. "Catch me if you can." I said, my tone teasing as I took off up the stairs. I was intent on hiding.

"Shit! We can' le' 'im escape Grimm! Come on!" Shiro was heard calling. I slipped into one of the many rooms in the mansion as I suppressed a laugh. I could see out into the hall, but they wouldn't be able to see me in the darkness, or at least I hoped they wouldn't.

I saw Shiro reach for the door handle and I pressed myself further between the wall and the dresser as he poked his head in. Luckily for me, I ducked down enough that he didn't spot me, as he shut the door I let out a soft snicker.

Grimmjow came by the room next, he came into the room and looked around in the obvious places someone would hide, but I kept myself pressed tightly against the wall. I let out a deep breath as Grimmjow walked out of the room.

"Ichi!" Grimmjow called out as he went about searching other rooms. "Ichigo! Come ou'!" Shiro called out. I waited until I could barely hear them calling for me before I slipped out of the room and ran to Grimmjow's bedroom. I methodically left pieces of my clothing leading to the room in question.

Why? Because this is where I want to be found. I want them to find me, and I want them to ravage me. I was ready to give myself to them fully.

They helped me through everything.

The nights of cold sweats. Grimmjow and Shiro were there.

The nights of nightmares and times I relived my mother's death. They were there.

They'd been there for me since the fateful day I ran into Shiro in the hallway of the school. I smile thinking about it.

_"Ey, ya okaeh there? I din' see ya." Shirosaki was smiling, and kneeling down, he had picked up both my books and was handing them to me, I shoved them into my backpack, and was going to get up when I saw his hand. I blushed as I took his hand and he helped me up. "'m Shirosaki Ogichi, wuts yer name cutie?" he grinned at me, I was mesmerized by his eyes. They were the most exotic thing I had ever seen in my sixteen years of life._

_An unmanly squeak came out of my mouth then, causing him to chuckle. "I'm Ichigo, Ichigo Kurosaki," I said in response. He smiled even wider then. "I like et! Say, would ya like ta 'ang wit' me an' mah friend at lunch tadaeh?" Shiro asked me as he walked me to the classroom I would be in most of the day. "ll be ou' 'ere waitin' fer ya when lunch 'its." Shiro says. I found myself agreeing to meet with him, then I walked into my classroom._

He had been there too. I think it was the fates way of saying I needed to be sober, and Grimmjow and Shiro were the ones to do that for me.

They were there through everything. Every withdrawal symptom, every freakout, every anxiety attack, they were amazing. They stayed with me, rather than throwing me out as I was. They wanted to help me, and I wanted to accept them.

This was one way of thanking them, becoming one...with the two of them. They're amazing. Grimmjow I swear can purr if you do the right things to him, and I bet Shiro is as flexible as I am, if not more so.

"'Ey Grimm! I foun' some o' 'is clothes en tha 'all by yer room!" I heard Shiro call out. By this point, I was laying on Grimmjow's bed in nothing but my boxers. I could vaguely hear Grimmjow yelling something in response, the house was huge. Well, calling it a house was wrong, it was more of a mansion.

"Alright, so ya think he's near here, or do ya think he left the clothes as a way to distract us?" I hear Grimmjow ask as the two stood near the doors to the bedroom.

"I dunno, 'e mighta left em 'ere as a way ta distract us, I mean 'es gotta be naked er close ta et." I heard Shiro say. I really try hard to not laugh, only to fail miserably.

"I hear his laugh." I hear Grimmjow say, and then the bedroom doors are thrown open. The light from the hall fills the space between me and them, and they see me.

I'm laying on Grimmjow's bed in nothing but my boxers.

"Hi," I say, grinning impishly. "So..." I sit up and tilt my head to the side a bit. "So? Yeah." Grimmjow says, grinning at me with that feral look in his eyes that I've grown to love. That predatory look, it gave me the chills, but in a good way!

Shiro and Grimmjow. Grimmjow and Shiro. My mind was filled with the two of them.

I have a feeling after I gave myself to the two of them, I'd be addicted again, but to something that was attainable, and not harmful to my body.

Something that wouldn't kill me slowly every time I partook of it.

Shiro's eyes glinted in the low light of the room. He grinned widely and began tugging his clothes off. Grimmjow followed suit and soon enough the three of us were in our boxers.

Shiro crawled onto the bed on my right side, and Grimmjow climbed on my left.

"Ya sure ya readeh fer us bot' Ichigo?" Shiro whispered into my ear, his breath ghosting over the flesh of my neck as he nipped my earlobe. "Y-Yeah." I managed to get out, partially in a moan.

Grimmjow smirked as he reached down and tore my boxers off, the shreds of fabric fluttering to the ground, as well as onto the bed around us. "G-Grimmjow!" I squeaked, my face turning the color of the red fruit people commonly mistook my name for meaning.

"Yer so 'ot Ichigo," Shiro said, his white hands rubbing up and down my right side, gently scraping his nails along the flesh as goose bumps raised on it. I shivered, his actions eliciting a moan from my throat.

"Aww yah, ya keep makin' 'ose sounds an' ya won' walk fer a week," Shiro whispered his dirty threats into my ear, causing even more goose bumps to appear along my flesh.

Grimmjow didn't wish to feel left out as he brought his larger hand down to palm me. I shuddered and let out a breathy moan. I'd never felt so alive before, and I knew just from the simple actions they were already doing things to me that I'd become addicted to.

After what felt like forever, I heard the sound of a plastic cap popping open, as well as the squirting sound of lube, I then felt a hot finger on my body as they prepared me.

Shiro's lips were upon mine and I moaned into his mouth as Grimmjow slathered the needed areas in lubricant.

Shortly thereafter I felt the pressure of something push against me, and then I saw stars. Shiro kissed my tears away and whispered sweet words into my ear as he pet my hair.

The three of us made love until well past sunrise, and by the time we were done they were right. I wasn't going to be able to walk for at least a week.

I laughed softly as I was spooned between the two most gorgeous guys I'd ever had the honor of meeting, and gained their love...even if for the longest time I didn't feel like I deserved it.

My name is Ichigo Kurosaki, and I'm a recovered drug addict and alcoholic. I'm in love with two men who both love me unconditionally and show it constantly.

* * *

**The end. Hope this roller coaster was a good read for those of you who made it through.**


End file.
